


Many friends to be found for the lifesavers

by Drosera_Sundews



Category: Elsewhere University (Webcomic)
Genre: Biology, First Person, Gen, Magical Realism, The different studies at the Elsewhere University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9911786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drosera_Sundews/pseuds/Drosera_Sundews
Summary: "In a way, the other science majors have it easy. The things they study stay in place, mostly. The things they observe don't tend to stare back. Of course, you could look away, but where's the fun in that?"A discussion of the biologists at Elsewhere University





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [canadianwheatpirates](https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadianwheatpirates/gifts).



> A gift for Canadianwheatpirates, who started the series with physics and statistics. This is written in the same style and strongly based on their works. I certainly hope we can make this a bigger collection! Maybe some other folks would want to add their studies as well? Please do!

Being a biology student on Elsewhere University is simply put absolute torture.

It’s in the nature of the Gentry to avoid the science students. Disapproving of everything and everyone that wishes to pin them down, put rules to them or uncover their secrets. It’s an uncomfortable truce, but in general the science students are bothered a lot less than the others. Especially the chemistry students are given a wide berth after the incident with their professor. Most science students are perfectly all right with this. No better guarantee for safety, after all. 

The biologists? Not so much. 

After all, what’s more of a novelty, a marvel, to a biologist then an entire hill filled with strange new species. Unclassified, unidentified, with unknown behaviour patterns and illogical body plans, not to mention sentience and powers beyond your wildest imagination? Irresistible!

The Fair Folk won’t touch you with a ten-foot pole, of course, but that only makes it more intriguing. 

In a way, the other science majors have it easy. The things they study stay in place, mostly. The things they observe don't tend to stare back. Of course, you could look away, but where's the fun in that? 

I’ll warn you beforehand, it’s not easy studying biology here. Unless, of course, you have a whole heap of self-control and patience stored up. Yes, the Art and English majors get taken most frequently. Yet when it comes to mysterious disappearances and weird unexplainable accidents, biologists take the lead. We’re magnets for trouble, sneaking around the boundaries and putting our noses where they do not belong. Prying and spying and generally being a hassle to the Fair Folk. Suddenly finding your life returning to crushingly normal as They retract their hands and even their eyes from you is said to be the most favourable outcome. 

You’ll get to hear the stories anyway, though. After all, biologists are and odd breed of scientists. Jacks-of-all trades, we learn a bit of everything. Some chemistry, physics, math and statistics. They even put us in philosophy class every now and then to everyone’s great displeasure. As if we’re the ones who should be most concerned with morality and ethics on these grounds! Either way, you’ll get to know a lot of people from different studies as well, so even if the gentry decide to turn their back on you, the gossip will reach you nevertheless. 

And after all, there’s plenty of cool things to study that aren’t magical at all! From ancient crab species with blue blood, saturated with copper, to jellyfish that keep turning back into their larval state, rendering them essentially immortal. Plants who’s body temperature rises with fifteen degrees when they flower or bacteria that eat plastic, form rock-hard spores or breathe sulfate. Not to mention fungi the size of a football field. No magic required! 

Other students say we take after our subjects too much, and I guess they’re right. When it comes to creatures it’s universal among biologists that we like it bizarre! And yeah, we fit the bill. I know from experience many have the tendency to take their ‘work’ home with them. From odd exotic plants to weird, unfamiliar pets. Rooming with a biologist means there’s always chance of finding preserved carcasses in your fridge, or sometimes boxes with seeds that need to be kept cold until April, then they can be planted in the topsoil during the full moon. Be careful when watering the plants, some are from the desert and can easily be drowned. Mind the small tree with the massive, hand shaped leaves in the windowsill! Three seeds are enough to kill a human. The leaves aren’t that bad but you should still wash your skin thoroughly with soap after touching them. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re an ecologists, cell biologists or geneticist. We all love nature, living things (and dead things, on occasion) and will try to keep them close. Your dorm will never be silent with the cries and scurrying of unfamiliar animals or rustling leaves as background noise. 

Come to our labs if you have a free afternoon, they’re the prettiest this university has to offer! We have plenty of flowers in all colours, a small palm tree on the workbench and a huge aquaria full of colourful fish. Plus a cage with over forty species of beetles, shining like gemstones. Also a big collection of super-rad skeletons! Regular animals, fish, some beasts with too many limbs that look like the art students were in charge of the assembly. Most look unnerving (except the centaur, that one just looks dumb) and others can never quite tell if they’re perhaps Fae in origin or just weird-ass earth creatures (the biologists like it bizarre, after all). If you figure it out, don’t tell them! 

And plants, so many plants. Don’t water anything though! Leave it to the professionals. Also if you see any empty pots, for the love of everything don’t throw them away! There’s no telling what’s beneath the dirt. There might be a living plant hibernating down there! Or maybe something else. 

Please don’t touch the dead things either! Both for your own safety and for our sake, a few of those have yet to be dissected. Also, some of them might not be as dead as you think. 

Oh and, oh what? The plant in the corner, you mean? Don’t worry about that, it’s not actually glowing. It’s just covered in a layer of thin, purple hairs! We suspect it’s to protect it from UV light. Nothing magical about it! We think. We’re still not entirely sure how it keeps making those sad humming noises though, but we’re bound to figure it out soon! 

Also keep an eye out for the various pets the biologists are keeping, it’s a very interesting bunch. Much more varied than your typical cats and dogs. I’m still not entirely sure if keeping pets is allowed in the dorms but whatever, no stopping us. The lab rats used in the ‘animal behaviour’ practicum of the 'development and growth' course supposedly get disposed of after the experiments are finished, so they are free for the taking. Just bring a bulky jacket with a hidden pocket. Quite some biologists have one, although it’s a chore to smuggle them out. 

Some of them are somewhat... odd, even though we didn’t do anything with them except observe their behaviour. Perhaps it’s the exposure to Fae magic? They make good pets, nevertheless.

(There's another odd advantage to caring for plants and animals. Pets don't normally do favours, and aren't bound by promises, but this place has a way of altering things. It's no certainty but perhaps one of the creatures you take care of may one day repay the favour. There are many friends to be found for the lifesavers. And as a biologist on Elsewhere's grounds, you need all the friends you can get. Just make sure you treat them well.) 

You may find injured creatures on campus occasionally. Just remember to check if any potential pets are sentient, deadly or collared before you take them. And remember, the crows and the lone fat skunk are absolutely off limits. Be wary of the swans, as well. Always be wary of the swans.

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon the EU biologists as an abolute mess. Too reckless, too eager and much, much too danger-prone. They lack all the subtlety of the statistics students and the high quality weapons of the chemists. Many students of the 'forbidden major' were probably biology students at some point. Many students on the 'missing person' posters were probably biology students as well. Heaven knows where/what they are now. 
> 
> Also, as a biology major at an university specialized in the life sciences I can tell you that most of this is scarily accurate. I myself have a wildowsill absolutely full of plants, a pet snake and an old aquarium full of stick insects. My neighbour has a windowsill full of plants too plus a few hanging below her bed (some adopted from the lab). I have this cell-biologist friend who breeds guinea pigs and sells them. She had seventeen of them in her prime, all in her tiny dorm room. Not to mention the hippie community next to the campus. They have small shared houses with gardens and keep goats and chickens. I envy them deeply.


End file.
